April 2011
69 posts
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I am old.
I see a small house in the center of a large field. The grass is golden and waving softly at me, rustling, which in the explosive absence of all other sounds consumes me. The grass sways, I inhale, the world is quiet to such a degree that it rings out an orchestral bombast which builds up in anticipation before slowly solemnly exhaling as the stalks settle back to their original...
“I have nothing to report, my friends. If you want to find the meaning, stop...”
– Ryōkan (1758-1831)
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Yes, I read the Economist oh ho ho →
Anonymous asked: Do you have any regrets in life, thus far?
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I saw this old couple at a restaurant, a man and woman. They are both wrinkly and liver-spotted and silver.
She can’t walk so she was sitting in a wheeled chair and he was pushing her along, facing her.
What a badass.
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“Being a retired professor is a lot like being an ordinary professor, except that...”
– Donald Knuth
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“Guys get your girl, girls get your man and throw them draws on the floor. I want...”
– SomethingAwful.com article on things a DJ would never say to energize the crowd.
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“Even if you fall on your face, you’re still moving forward.”
– Courage Wolf
“Hindsight is a bitch in your 70s”
– My grandmother
(poem by e e cummings)
O sweet spontaneous earth how often have the doting
fingers of
purient philosophers pinched and poked
thee ,has the naughty thumb of science prodded thy
beauty .how
oftn have religions taken thee upon their scraggy knees squeezing and
buffeting thee that thou mightest conceive gods (but true
to the incomparable couch of death thy rhythmic lover
...
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Here is the only lesson I would give to kids
The only person who can teach you is you. Your teachers, your parents, your friends, the television, and random assholes like me cannot teach you a damned thing. You are the sole curator of your mind. Be selective of what you let in it. Very few people in your life are going to outright agree with what I am about to share with you; whether you take this as evidence that I am wrong or not is...
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Hand-crafted
Is it a legal requirement that all small breweries have to write “hand-crafted” on the bottles of their beer? What the hell does that even mean? You made the beer with your hands? You grabbed messy handfuls of liquid and swirled it all together? You didn’t use any machines? It’s fantastic the volume of output you managed without the use of any machines, then. Fuck you. Just...
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“Compassion - that’s the one thing no machine ever had. Maybe it’s...”
– Dr Leonard McCoy, Stardate 4731.3
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GATLIN IS CLASSY AS ALL HELL
[edit: I’d have to be pretty damn narcissistic to agree with this. And I am. So.]
The man couldn’t be more awesome if he snorted powdered unicorn fetus and bathed in a stream of glitter and sweet nectar.
His face is molded out of the most deliciously fragrant ivory ambrosia. Flecks of crushed roses freckle his whole body in a dizzying spray of delight. The finest, softest silk...
netflix
I now run Windows XP inside a virtual machine in order to use Netflix. HARDCORE.
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Man, it’d be really cool if every time Bohemian Rhapsody came on a bunch of tone-deaf AW’s would start singing along. Just how the song was intended to be heard!
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Why does the World’s Oldest Man always die so soon after attaining that status? Must be a curse.
Anonymous asked: Someone's got a stiffy for Phil Collins, ay?
Anonymous asked: Top 5 albums. Go.
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fruitsbat asked: Have I ever told you how handsome a man you are?
Anonymous asked: Have you tried Hare Krishna?
Anonymous asked: How do I ask you a question?
numbtongued asked: gatlin, I always knew I liked you. how have you been?
Anonymous asked: What's a "Native American?"
numbtongued asked: GATLIN. THIS IS JESSI. I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU DIDN'T TELL ME YOU HAD ONE OF THESE THINGS. you don't have to follow me, I post a lot of figure skaters.
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Anonymous asked: is your hair red because you're the devil?
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Generate a random CS paper →
The abstract of the paper I “co-authored” with Dr Vladimir Lifschitz on this site:
Many hackers worldwide would agree that, had it not
been for 802.11 mesh networks, the analysis of reinforcement
learning might never have occurred. After years of robust
research into the location-identity split, we disprove the study
of voice-over-IP. In our research, we argue that...
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The loneliest page on the internet →
I would like to know how often that button is clicked.
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Selectivity
Oh no, I only have a few Gmail invites left. I’d better pick carefully; who would really love a chance to use this exclusive system?
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Not going back
I was at a rally for planned parenthood once and we the thrashing angry mob took to either side of Congress Avenue, shouting mantras and throwing tantrums because we believed strongly in the rights of women. We marched and shouted “We’re not going back! We’re not going back!”
And then as we shouted this defiant message of freedom against the shackles of medieval tyranny,...
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Why I hate hipsters →
This article gets it right: the marketers figured out how to package up rebellion and cultural revolution and sell it to kids to distract them making any real change.
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tron and I discussed important matters on google...
gatlin: you're pooping
tron: i'm pooping
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“We don’t want to believe that the Moon is made of green cheese unless...”
– Lparse 1.0 User’s Manual.
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starship trooper
Parker Portlock: Dude
Parker Portlock: This galaxy s is awesome
Parker Portlock: Miles better than my eris
Gatlin Johnson: ? are you on acid?
Gatlin Johnson: oh, phones
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Anonymous asked: can i has tour of assault cavern
angryblackman89-deactivated2012 asked: Did you know that the inventor of the game cartridge was black? He apparently passed yesterday.
